Ask your partner to touch, rub, caress, and/or press your clitoris with his fingers, whether before, during, or after sex. You can guide him by placing your fingers over his fingers or hand, and pressing the spots you like in the motion and frequency that makes you go wild. You can try using your own fingers during sex, too!
Explore with foreplay. Sometimes you may feel ready for intercourse immediately, while other times you may want your partner to first touch, rub, kiss, or lick your vulva and clitoris, using his hands, mouth, or penis. Oral sex can be highly pleasurable to many women because of its direct focus on the clitoris. Women describe intense orgasms through oral sex.
Add afew drops of lube to reduce friction and give a more sensual feel. Remember, it’s better when it’s wetter!
Try a variety of sex positionswhere your clitoris might be further stimulated. For example, the woman-on-top position has more potential for clitoral stimulation than the missionary position. On top, you can have more control over the amount of stimulation, rhythm, and pacing. You can move your hips to reach his pubic bone, or he can change the angle of his hips. He can also enter you from behind and reach around to caress your clitoris. If you like deep penetration and pressure on your cervix, then choose positions that make this more possible. Get creative! Certain sex positions may feel more exciting to you than others, and this may differ each time you have sex.
Incorporate sex toys into your sex play. Some women enjoy using a vibrator, either alone or with a partner, to stimulate their clitoris during sex.
Read up! Books such as She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, by Ian Kerner, The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips, by Rebecca Chalker, and Because it Feels Good: A Women’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction by Debbie Herbenick can provide more information.
Remember, if you are generally satisfied with your sexual activity, there is no need to be dismayed by your lack of vaginal sensation or feel pressured to feel pleasure or orgasm during intercourse. Instead, if you wish, you can view and use sex play as an opportunity for you and your partner to experiment with and learn from your bodies. Either way, it is important to verbally let your partner know what turns you on the most. And remember, it may take time to learn exactly what that is. The key is to have the confidence that your body is perfect, the courage to explore your individual responses on your own, the trust to share this information with a caring partner, and the humor to laugh as you learn together. You never know what the results could be!