How To Treat Stubborn Child!

Effective ways to deal with stubborn child

Stubbornness can be a characteristic that your child demonstrates right from infancy. You can take comfort in the fact that there plenty of parents who are in a similar situation. The way in which you handle your stubborn child will make all the difference in the kind of adults they turn out to be. The toddler phase and the teenager phase are considered the toughest to handle.
It is important to understand that stubbornness is a part of the personality of some children while in others, it is their way of nudging the boundaries and asserting their will. So, it falls to your lot to teach your child the various ways in which they can handle stress and express their feelings.

Characteristics of stubborn kids

Just because your child is particular about exercising their will does not make them stubborn. There is a fine line between being determined and being stubborn.

Here are some stubborn behaviours characteristics to look out for:

• Highly intelligent and creative
• Tend to question everything which can be mistaken for rebellion
• They want to be heard and expect to be acknowledged which makes them want your attention frequently
• Extremely independent
• Committed to any task, they take up and will not rest till it reaches a conclusion
• Might have frequent temper tantrums
• Display leadership traits and can even appear bossy
• Will do everything at their own pace
• Do not hesitate to pursue something they have set their heart on irrespective of how dangerous it is or even if it involves breaking the rules

Psychology of stubborn children
To deal with your stubborn child, the right way, it is important first to understand why they are this way and what makes them this way. It is one thing for your child to be determined and another to be stubborn. Determination is defined as “firmness of purpose” while being stubborn is “the refusal to change a thought, behaviour, or action under any external pressure”. Stubbornness can be genetic and also acquired behaviour that is learned by observing others. But this behaviour can be channelled to prove productive and mild your child into a well-rounded individual.

How to handle stubborn kids?
Infants, toddlers, teens – stubbornness can surface at any age and then continue into adulthood. As a parent, it is important that you find ways of handling your stubborn child in such a way that you can limit their behaviour without stressing out either of you. Here are some techniques for handling a stubborn child:

Use distractions
There are likely to be some issues on which you and your child agree to disagree – car seats, for example. If going for a drive becomes a struggle of wills every time, then try to distract your child with where you are going instead of how or something similar, before you get to the car. And if it’s chores that are a sore point, try to make a game of it, maybe by setting a time limit and roping in siblings too.

Don’t argue
Stubborn children are always ready to face an argument head-on. So, don’t give them that opportunity. Instead, lend a listening ear to whatever your child has to say and turn it into a conversation instead of an argument. When you show that you are ready to listen to their side of the story, it makes them more likely to listen to what you have to say as well.

Establish a connection
Do not force your child to do something that they do not want to. This will only make them more rebellious and bent on doing exactly what they are not supposed to do. So, if you want your child to stop watching television, and do homework instead, try watching television with him or her for a while. This will bring in some camaraderie, and after a short while, you can ask your child if they’d like to do homework as you read your book or do some work sitting close by.

Offer some choices
Telling a stubborn child what to do is a sure-fire way of igniting their rebellious streak. Instead, offer them options to choose from as this makes them feel as if they have control over their lives and can independently decide what they would like to do. Keep the choices limited to avoid confusing your child and offer only two or three options. For instance, if he or she is to clean up their room, ask them if they would like to start with the bed or the closet first instead of saying, “where do you want to start?”

Step into your child’s shoes
Look at the issue at hand from your child’s point of view and try to understand why he or she is behaving in this manner. If you promised to take them to the park but have refused as the weather has turned bad, then you will need to explain to them why it is not possible to keep your promise. Your child will only see it as a broken promise, but by outlining why you cannot go out and by setting a later date for the outing, you can salvage the situation.

Maintain peace at home
Make sure that your home is a place where your child feels happy, comfortable, and secure at all times. Be polite to everyone at home, especially your spouse, as children learn from observation. They are likely to imitate what they see, so it is essential that you keep the peace and avoid arguments as well as trading insults in front of the child.

Brush up on your negotiating skills
Stubborn children find it difficult to absorb an outright refusal when they ask for something. So, instead, try to negotiate with them instead of laying down the law. For instance, if your child insists on listening to two bedtime stories, talk them out of it by reaching an agreement where they can pick a story for tonight and another one for tomorrow.

Encourage positive behaviour
Lead by example and present a positive attitude at all times. If you use the words ‘no’, ‘cannot’, or ‘will not’ a lot, then your child is also likely to do the same. Look at your child’s stubbornness with appositive outlook rather than being negative about it and speaking without thinking. Try to make a game out of it by asking your child questions that elicit a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response. Frame your questions such that the answer is ‘yes’ most of the time. This sends the message that your child is being heard and appreciated.

Develop routines
Sticking to daily routines as well as weekly ones can help improve your child’s behaviour as well as performance in school. Bedtime needs to be defined and should be such that it provides for plenty of rest for your child. Lack of sleep and being tired can lead to behavioural problems in children between the ages of three and twelve.

Lay down rules and consequences
Stubborn children need rules and regulations to thrive. So, set the boundaries and make your expectations clear at a family meeting. Ask your child for inputs on what the consequences are to be as well as their views on each of these. Consistency is important, but that does not translate into rigidity. It is important to be flexible at times, like when you are on holiday or on occasions when your child displays exemplary behaviour. This conveys to them that following rules can be rewarding too and is not intended to be stifling.