Silent Treatment- Stonewalling!

Stonewalling is a term that was developed by psychologist Dr John Gottman, who specializes in relationship research and therapy. Stonewalling means when a person “withdraws from the interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the speaker because they are feeling overwhelmed or physiologically flooded”.

Stonewalling is when a person withdraws from a conversation and refuses to deal with concerns. Stonewalling occurs when individuals tends to completely decline to communicate or cooperate. Stonewalling is different from rare timeout, stonewalling occurs when an individual is absolutely denies another partner’s perspective. Stone walling occurs in various situations. Both verbal and non-verbal behavior can be an indicator of stonewalling. Stonewalling is considered to be a manipulative technique and it can hamper the relationships.

Communication is considered to the essence of every relationship. When one or both partners engage in stone walling, this reflects that the couple refuses to communicate their feelings. Communication is considered to be the essence of every relationship. Thus stone walling tends to outweigh the positive effects of communication and leads to vicious cycle where couples avoid discussing about their concerns.

Stonewalling can be considered to have psychological as well as physiological effect. Stonewalling is considered to be a form of fight or flight responses. It is considered to be a controlling tactic that can lead to emotional abuse. Stonewalling is ineffective and can damage your relationship. The problem of stonewalling is seen not only between the couples but also exist in families.

Stonewalling is considered to closing stages to communication and can appear to be hurtful to the person who is at the receiving end. It can create feelings of abdondonment and detachment in the relationship.

Despite the fact whether stonewalling is intentional or not but the message it conveys can be still very hurtful as it tend to show that your partner is  not worth responding to and their thoughts and feelings also don’t matter.

While stonewalling many times occurs in the form of coping mechanism, it can have catastrophic implications when it is used over period of time.

Stonewalling or Silent treatment can be most destructive pattern of communication that destroys relationship because it can create feeling of loneliness and rejection. Stonewalling can be frustrating, unbearable and isolating for individuals who are at receiving end.

When people engage in stonewalling is to avoid dealing with the situation, to get attention, to show power and to express anger. Every individual experiences conflict in their relationship and every couple should resolve the issue sooner rather than later. No couple can ever be conflict free. Happy couples are those who know how to deal with problems when they arrive. Showing love and affection can really help couple win the battle.

A relationship marked by recurrent stonewalling behavior can cause suffers tremendous rift between the two partners. Unless the couple, doesn’t learn how to communicate with each other more productively the problems will continue to persist. The partners become more distant from each other and the intimacy declines. They may continue to live their lives without sharing any activities or interests with each other.

Relationships can be tricky. They require a lot of patience and good communication. Many times the problem arises when the couple avoids dealing with the problem which can cause deterioration in the relationship. It is essential for the couple to learn and grow along side.

No matter what the reason is behind stonewalling it is important to communicate rather than shutting all the means of communication.

If you recognize that your partner is stonewalling you, it is also essential to understand that how you may be contributing to the problem and take steps in the desired action. When the problem seems to get out of control seek help from professional marriage counsellor or relationship expert in order to improve self-esteem and communication skills is essential.