The Inner Quest

Hi,

I am Dr. Anoop Kumar KV, Psychologist. I am Ms. Annuradha Rakesh, Psychologist. Today we will discuss an interesting topic which is how to improve sexual life. It is a very sad thing a lot of people think about sex completely biologically but in fact, it is a mutual, caring, sharing activity. It brings a lot of beautiful thing about love. 3 important things are there to improve your sexual life. 1. Busting the myths regarding sexual activities. 2. What are the aspects which cause sexual dysfunction? 3. How to enrich sexual life? Myth is that people think that only beautiful people can have great sex. People who are old and sick cannot have sex. People with disability cannot ask for sex. It is only meant for certain type and category of people. These all are not true. We tend to believe. Having a good sexual life is the right of every individual whichever category a person belongs to. People think having a good looks means having a big penis, unfortunately. If we see the old painting, there we see a big breast and big penis. If we see scientifically, the penis should not be larger than 7 cm.

These are the reasons that people have wrong ideas and huge myths about sexual life. The pleasurable part of the vagina is within the reach which means however the small size the penis is, it can provide the pleasure to the woman. As far the breast size is concerned, we have seen that it is the part of the body image. So, it has hardly anything to do with sexual activities. It is all about imagination. Penis and breast size is nothing to do with sexual activities. Next myth is about the hymen. This is more prevalent in ladies. The hymen is just a small layer of the membrane in the vagina which can easily be burst with some sort of exercises, cycling, going to the gym, swimming. And many times it does not lead any kind of bleeding. There is a belief that if it breaks during the intercourse then only a man gets to know that the woman is pure. 3rd myth is regarding masturbation. It is a very normal activity. More than 60% of men and 40% of women indulge in masturbation activity pre-marriage as well as post-marriage. It is an activity for self-satisfaction.

There is a syndrome found in India that is culture bond syndrome and in hindi we call it dhat syndrome. Humein lagta hai ki muscularity se related dhat beh jata hai. These all are just a myth and nothing to do with sexual life. Whenever masturbation is required then only you can indulge in it. Another myth is regarding the tightness of the vagina. It is a common concern for most of the men. If the vagina is not tight which means a woman was indulged in sex in prior days. The vagina is elastic in nature. If the woman is aroused, it will get the space for penetration and if a woman is scared, it will make the penetration more difficult. People think that men are always ready for sex. Men or women can get tired, fatigued, they might not be able to get indulge in sexual activities anytime, anywhere. At times, you do not want to get indulge, you might not get the erection and that is very common. It is nothing to do with your capacity. Another common misconception is everyone is having sex. On average, couples get to indulge in sexual activities once or twice a week. Women consider it a lot and men consider it less.

This is the only difference. We think that other people are having more sex than we are having. So, rather having a maximum number of times, have the quality one. People believe that having sex every time when you have an orgasm. We are not a puppet or any machine to have the orgasm every time. It is all about the mindset, body ability, day, time, circumstances and nature of the orgasm also changes. Another myth that a woman believes that it is a man responsibility to provide an orgasm. How is it possible? Sex is an activity here 2 people are involved. Until and unless both are responsible to provide pleasure to each other. It should not be the man responsible to satisfy his woman. So, you have to be an equal partner. Now we are finishing the myth bursting part. Now we will talk about certain sexual dysfunction which might require some kind of clinical strategy. There are 3 common sexual dysfunctions. 1. Premature ejaculation. 2. Erectile dysfunction. 3. Vaginismus. Premature ejaculation means that a man enters into a woman vagina and less than a minute, he ejaculates and comes out. So, a normal span is 4-6 mins.

In erectile dysfunction, man is not able to get the proper erection in spite of providing the proper stimulation to the penis. So, one situation can be that they are not able to get the erection or in another situation they are not able to sustain. This has been seen in anxiety before doing the intercourse. In vaginismus, a woman feels a severe pain or contraction in the vagina which doesn't allow them to have good penetration into their vagina. They find the whole process extremely painful. There is a specified technique which helps a woman to deal with it. There are relaxation therapies, sex therapies which helps a woman to deal with it and provides a good sexual life. Now the most important part is how to make your sexual life more enriching? 1. spend a good time with each other. Romance in the relationship dies after marriage. Sadly, it is the truth. Spending time with each other, doing celebrations, going for the movie together, out for a picnic.

So, before and after marriage are the 2 phases of life. 2nd is spontaneity in sexuality. Every time when you think about sex, you should be able to have sex. But there should be planning also. People think that how can you plan a sex life. But I actually recommend to my clients. Like before marriage, you used to plan a date night or a romantic dinner. So, plan for it. Take time in planning a beautiful time with your partner. Make everything ready. 3rd important point is retaining love in sexual life. What is love? It involves 3 important concepts. Love comprises of affection, commitment, and passion. When there is love, there is care, and a lot of foreplay involves sex. When we talk about sex, they only talk about intercourse. Many times people think that orgasm can happen only by vaginal intercourse. But you can get the orgasm by cuddling, foreplay. So, you have to figure out what excites you and your partner. You can tell to your partner that what you like and whatnot. It is important to know each others body and soul. It was a nice opportunity to interact with you. We can meet and talk to each other to resolve the problems.

Thank You.

Hi all,

My name is Dr. Anoop. I am a Clinical psychologist and an assistant professor of psychology.

Namaskar, main Annuradha. I am a clinical psychologist and Director at the Inner Quest: Center For Psychological Treatment and today we are here to talk about psychological problems and its treatment.

When we talk about psychological problems and psychological treatment of that, we have to define what we meant by psychological problem and what is psychological treatment. Any problem which is in the mind that causes distress for a person can be termed as psychological problem and all the treatments which are not invasive, not medical in nature like psychotherapy, counseling, CBT, etc. can be called as psychological treatment for that.

Today we are here to talk about a particular disorder which is known as the common cold among mental illnesses. You guessed it right we are talking about depression. So why? What is the common cold aspect of depression, let us examine, possibly from Dr. Annuradha about this.
Yes, depression is common and a serious mental condition. Obviously it affects the way we think, the way we feel and the way we act. It seems to be more common among women than in men. Now if you talk about the privileges of it. India is leading the way in the world. India has the highest number of depressive patients. Now if you talk about the exact stats of it. It is almost around 4.5% at a given point in time in the population, obviously, it makes it a huge number. Given the size of the country we have, it might seem low but again it is a condition that we need to worry about.

Depression is not about how on a day-to-day basis we feel certain emotional turmoils, sudden anxieties or worry about certain things. Suppose someone wants to go for the party and parents refused to send them, the person is not really going to be depressed, obviously will worry about it. You ask for a bike and you ask your parents for 6 months, 7 months, obviously again this is not going to amount to say that someone is having depression. So these are day-to-day emotional as well as the mood irregularities it can cause but does not really amount to call someone is having depression. Let us listen from Anoop how a psychologist diagnoses and understand depression.

As Annuradha clearly said, depression has things to deal with the loss, perception of loss, sometimes it is a personal loss, sometimes a social loss, loss of self-esteem and whatever it may be, but when it comes to diagnosis of depression it is slightly different. The diagnosis of depression is made by a Clinical psychologist using the international standard of diagnosis which is ICD. According to the ICD, a person can be termed as depressed if there are 3 criteria fulfilled:-
1.Persistent sad mood consistently for 2 weeks.
2.Anhedonia, the inability to enjoy any activities in life.
3.Fatigable.
If a person has all these 3 things i.e. persistent sadness, anhedonia and fatigability continuously for 2 weeks, the person can be safely diagnosed with depression by a clinician. Now there are certain other symptomatologies also that follow these 3 core symptomatologies. Maybe like, lack of sleep or lack of sex drive or thoughts about taking own life, which is called suicidal ideations and lack of interest in sexual activity. All these things can also follow these core symptoms and that is used to categorize depression into mild, moderate or severe.

Now talking about the treatment strategies of depression there are lots of psychological treatment strategies for depression but that depends upon the nature of the depression which is encountered. As we know in the case of many mental disorders the 3 factors that can cause a disorder:-
1.Psychological
2.Biological
3.Psycho-social

When we talk about a disease like depression, which is called the common cold of mental illness. The huge chunk of the problem is because of this psychological reason. A bit of the problem is caused because of biological reason also and another chunk is caused because of the psycho-social reason, which is basically the economical and another social reasons but talking about the psychological reason, if the depression is caused because purely of psychological reason. Then treatment strategy preferred is psychological treatment strategy which Dr. Annuradha will elaborate to you.

The different modalities of treatment available, the most common one which we use is called cognitive behavioral therapy. Now cognitive behavioral therapy works on 2 premises. One as the name suggests cognition and second is an aspect of behaviour. What cognition means? cognition means thinking, cognition means the way humari jo soch hai us soch mein kisi bhi tarah ki vikrati hai, truti hai, kuch cognitive errors hum kehete hain ek aam bhasha mein jab koi patient puchta hai to hum kehte hain thinking error. To soch mein kisi bhi tarah ka negative badlav agar ata hai to us badlav ko badlne ke liye hum cognitive behavioral therapy use karte hain.

Kuch common types of cognitive errors hote hain, jaise ki kisi ko lagta hai ki koi mujhse kabhi pyaar nhi karta, main kuch bhi accha nhi kar sakta. Us insaan ke liye sab kuch black and white hai, there is no shade of grey. To aisey log ye jo hum cheezein sun rahe hain, iska pura generalization hain, iska matlab hai ki kya kbhi kisi ne us se pyaar nhi kiya? aisa hota nhi hai. Humare aas pass ki duniya mein kuch log hote hain jo humse pyaar karte hain, concerned hain, kuch friends hain, parents hain. To jab is tarah ki soch ban jaati hai jisme hum har cheez ko overgeneralize krne lagte hain, ya fir kuch log bolte hain ki agar app kala chashma pehnenge to apko duniya kali nazar aney lagti hai. To it becomes a tunnel vision like that.

To cognitive behavioral therapy ke doraan hum in maansik trutiyon se deal karne ke liye patient ko taiyaar karte hain. Iske kuch behavioural aspect bhi hain. Jab kuch cheezein karne ka man nhi krta hai to hum unko encourage karte hain un sab activities ko, un sab cheezon ko krne ke liye. Ye hogya cognitive behavioral therapy. Bohot structured therapy hai, kuch aisi technique hai jiski wajah se hafte 2 hafte mein patient is level pe aa jata hai ki wo apni din-charya dobaara se shuru kar sake.

As Annuradha is talking about the cognitive behavioral therapy aspect of this. Here we are talking about aspects that we are conscious about, but there are aspects that happens beneath the layer of conscious of mind which we call subconscious and at times unconscious. For such aspects of depression which emanates from the unconscious of the subconscious aspects of the mind, we use psychodynamic and psycho-analytical perspective.

Isme kya hota hai ki, jo apke conscious mind ke neeche hain, conscious mind se door jo thoughts hain, jo cheezein hain, jo apke man me chhupe hue hain, jisse apki din bhar din ki zindagi mein jiska effect hota hai usko hum dhoond nikal ke we treat that particular aspect and we cure the depression and third aspect that is very important as every clinician says is the activity scheduling about that Dr. Annuradha can enlighten us.

Now activity scheduling, aap kisi bhi modality se aap patient ko treat karne ki koshish karte hain, ya aap apne aap hi sochte hain ki main apne app ko khud hi depression se bahar nikal lunga. Activity scheduling ek bohot important aspect hai usse bahar nikalne ka. Ab hum sabhi jaante hain hum sabhi ka ek schedule hota hai pure din ka. Hum subeh uthte hain koi subeh 5 baje uthta hai, koi 7 baje uthta hai, uthna hai, tyaar hona hai, office jana hai, school jana hai, kaam karna hai, wapas ana hai, khelna ye ek schedule hai jo hum follow karte hain. Jaise Doctor sahab ne pehle kaha tha ki depression me jo ye schedule hai wo thoda sa gadbda jata hai, log jo kaam wo karna chahte hain to wo kam nhi kar pate hain.

To activity schedule humein us track pe wapas lane me madad karta hai. To as a clinician hum use ek schedule bna ke dete hai ki aap koshish kareiye ki aap time pe soyein, time pe uthein, uske baad me ghumein, apni self-care ka thoda sa dhyaan dein, time pe khana khayein. Aksar log khaana khana chod dete hain ya khana jyada khane lagte hain to dono hi wajah se vajan kam ya jyada hota hai usko regulate karne mein madad krna. Ho sakta hai ki aap office na jaa paayein par fir bhi ghar ke kuch aisey kaamon me madad kar sakein jisse ki apko lge ki aap kuch worthwhile kar rahe hain, to ye activity schedule humein us track par lane me madad karta hai.

Aksar log sochte hain ki main jab theek ho jayunga to mai bhagunga. Hum ye bolte hain aap uthiye, taiyaar hoiye, thode se 4 kadam lekar dekhiye ho sakta hai aap hafte bhar me bhag ne lgein, par app jab wait krenge to ho sakta hai ki wo wait lamba ho, par app aaj se agar chalna shuru kar denge to definitely agle hafte tak aap kuch behtar kar payeinge. To activity scheduling is a very important and integral part of treatment for depression.

Iske saath hi aur bhi treatment strategies hain jaise ki Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy(IPSRT) bhi bolte hai hum or commitment and acceptance therapy hai. To aisey mein therapeutic strategies bohot sare hain, chaliye inke baare me kabhi aur baat karengein but the most important thing in life, if you feel that you are encountering any kind of mental problem specially which is depression the first and bold step that you have to take is to take an appointment with your psychologist and get yourself evaluated and if you are getting evaluated and if you require a treatment, just subscribe for the treatment and get back your well-being and get back your good ways in life as soon as possible.

so wishing you all the best and this is a good bye from both of us.