I am 29 years old bachelor. I am diagnosed by my doctor as to have bipolar disorder and I am under medication. I am in love with my sister in law. Though she does not know it. I want to get rid of this relationship. I want to marry someone to forget her. But I have erectile problem and lack sexual urge. What should I do?

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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You are in a very complicated situation: having bipolar can increase your sex drive to very high levels. In your case it has stoked the desire but not the performance. In any case seeking love for your sister-in-law is not permissible and it cannot be one-way, either. Fortunately, she does not know it is a blessing. Neither should you think that marrying someone else to forget her is going to solve the problem: you seem like you cannot fulfill your sexual desires and cannot consummate the marriage. So can you see how complicated your problem is? first things first; you need to see how well your treatment is working out for you. Secondly, you must work with a counselor too to maximize the benefits of combined therapies. You must also discuss your sexual fantasies with the counselor and get some guidance as to how to handle it. In a probable situation you may be asked to leave this house or ask the brother and his wife to shift to another home! you must also discuss if the sexual problems you are having is a result of the effects of the medication, and see if alternative medications may be tried. For you to be in a position to marry someone, you must get well and have proper employment etc. The starting of a family entails some genetic counseling, where it may ill-advised to have children. I really respect you for having kept your control around your sister-in-law, and it is recommended take effective action to maintain it so. Bipolar can be a crippling disease if not treated, and if treated early, the prognosis is good. Comply with all the medical prescriptions and work in tandem with a counselor for a long time and learn coping skills and techniques to handle the daily challenges you will face. There are certain adaptations that will suit you during the elation phase and there are certain behaviors that are required during the depressed phases. In the meantime you can do certain things that will give you benefits anyway. Emotional therapy will alleviate a lot of the problems faced in this condition because it is a mood disorder. You need to particularly look at your levels of anger both for its reasonableness and to express it in appropriate manner. I suspect that much of this anger may have origins in early childhood that you may never be aware of now. Talk to your parents and explore that angle. This information will help the counselor too. Also you will need to check whether there is any genetic factor involved. You must exercise regularly, eat healthily and sleep normally too. If your motivation and cooperation is good much can be achieved. You must have a time-structured schedule filled with interesting and reasonable activities and it must be monitored for compliance and delivery. The reason I say this is that many times you will be inclined to have grandiose notions and confidently believe that you can do without the medication, and other things like marrying your sister-in-law. This will set you back many months in the treatment and delay and sabotage the recovery: forewarned you are forearmed. If this combination of medication with therapy is maintained for at least three years without any episodes or breakdowns, it is possible to taper the medication in consonance with the doctor. 

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