Parenting tips for Raising Teensagers
You would have noticed that your child who was so eager to help out and please you earlier is no longer responding to you that way. They must be teenagers! Don't despair.Its natural and healthy for them to break away emotionally from their parents at this age. This will help them to become well adjusted adults. Here's how you can give them their space, yet gently guide them during this phase.
1. Give children some space: Giving them a chance to establish their own identity, giving them more freedom, is essential to help them establish their own place in the world. But it doesn't mean that if your child is moving around with a bad crowd or doing drugs you don't say anything. Let them explore and experiment with things that are not very risky. Eg. Catching a bus, auto. Going out with friends to a mall, going for tuitions on their own etc.
2. Choose your battles wisely: Don't lock your horns with them over cleaning up, sleeping late, coming back 1 hour late etc. Save your enquiry for more serious matters like permanent tattoo, going out late into the night and not keeping you informed, bad company etc.
3. Invite their friends over for a meal: It helps you to see who your child is meeting with and also to send a message that you are not rejecting them outright without any valid reason. Children see it as a mark of respect and fairness when you meet and talk to their friends. Also it helps them to see how their friends talk with you. Outright rejection of friends can bring on huge aggression and antagonism.
4. Decide rules and discipline in advance: If it's a 2 parent family, then it's important for the parents to have their own discussions first and come to a common consensus about what is acceptable and what is not. What will be the consequences of not following through with what was earlier negotiated. Remember that Consequences need to be discussed with your child too and should be fair for him/her.
5. Talk to your teens about the worst case scenario: whether it's taking drugs, pre marital sex, driving rashly or running away.The kid must know the worst that could happen. Let them see movies which showcase this as they get impacted by visuals more than dry conversations.
6. Tell them that you are available: When kids start experimenting and taking risks, they can land up in sticky situations like out of pocket money, a flat tyre, friends not showing up, not getting what they expected to happen. Let them know that you are available no matter what. Give them your confidence and trust. Teach them how to think of options if stuck in a bad spot. Tell them that you will come and pick them up if they can't come back on their own.
7. Keep the communication lines open: Don't instruct or interrogate them. Talk and share with them about your own life. Even a difficult day at work. This teaches them that's it's ok to talk to you even if something has gone wrong. Don't judge them. And if they are not ready to talk just then, then let them know that you can wait and you know how it's like to have a bad day.
8. Let them feel guilty: This is a hard one for some parents who come on too quickly to protect their children from feeling guilty when they have done something wrong. If your child has hurt someone or done something wrong, then it's important that they know how to deal with guilt. It's healthy to have some guilt rather than no remorse or guilt at all. This will help the children to stay within socially acceptable behaviours and norms.
9. Be a Role Model: Your actions are more noticed than your words! Your role will be important in helping them become morally, socially and ethically grounded person. If they have a healthy role model from early childhood, then it's less likely that they will take bad decisions as a rebellious teen.

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