Hello doctor I am 25 years old born and raised in lower middle class family I am 3rd among 5 children to my mother when I was around 1 years my mother sent me to my grain although I returned soon but I have a troubled childhood having faced child absued I never ever shared it to my parents may be because I was sent so I might have a communication problem. I know my parents love is unconditional, they do care for me but they never understood me, my mood, my attitude. Now when I am all grownup. I still have that fear, scared of going out, meeting people ,just want to stay alone. The actual problem is, my parents are looking an alliance for me. How can I share my life with someone when I have not forgot my past .how can I trust someone that he can pull me out of the dark.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist47yrs exp

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You are absolutely right: you need to sort yourself out before bedding and boarding with someone in such intimate settings! Now your parents cannot read your mind or know anything about you if you don't tell them. If you are afraid of your own parents that shows you are afraid of some rejection from them. In my opinion, I think that your problem lies in the fear of rejection. This rejection is usually founded in your family of origin, and is somewhat manifest in some descriptions you have given already. This is not to find fault in your parents: they may have done a lot of things with good intentions but may have inadvertently set up rejection. If you go way back, and see if there was any rejection prenatally or postnatally (again all this with intention or without), the child will pick up the sensation or feel like she is not wanted or even rejected. As you can see, I am presuming all this. You will have to give it substance, if you so have the substance. Without reaching to any conclusions, just indulge in this thought to see if there is any semblance of truth to explore it further. Your parents may throw light on this but don?t share too much of what I saying until it has been verified. Also find out, if there was an abortion or miscarriage before or after you were born. Whether you were wanted by both parents at birth. Whether they expected a male child and were disappointed that you were a girl. How long were you breast-fed by mom etc? These will all throw some light on my proposal of rejection, if there is any truth. If this is true, you must seek some professional advice. As for your marriage you may seek the help of an uncle or aunt to explain your predicament and buy some time to sort yourself out. 

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