I'm 25 years old and I'm not able to control my sexual desires and my mind only thinks of sex always and from this I'm masturbating twice or thrice a day. Is there will be any problem from this? Please suggest and even my partner (Girl Friend) doesn't like sex @ all and always we fight for this matter and even she has cyst in the ovaries and her health is not that good. I seriously don't wanna hurt her and give her more pain due to my sexual desires. Please suggest only you can help us out.

Ms. Juhi ParasharPsychologist4yrs exp

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Hi, Thinking about sex is perfectly natural. We're hormonal, sexual beings, whose genes drive us to procreate. But sometimes, sexual thoughts can become overwhelming, making it difficult to focus and difficult to get simple things done. However, it's possible for those urges and desires to become more like background noise as you go through your everyday life, especially when you should be thinking more about career, education, health, interests and hobbies, family and friends, money, etc. Get rid of pornographic videos, magazines, calendars, and other materials in your house and, to the best of your ability, avoid watching it. Find something to do immediately as a diversion. If you're always dwelling on sex during idle bus rides, for example, make a special effort to do something else during your ride, like finishing some homework, reading a new book, or talking to a friend. Or, if you start thinking about sex at boring points in a class, a meeting, or at work, for example, you might start taking notes. By keeping your pen moving, you'll have to stay focused on the conversation at hand and not what's going on in your mind. Make a commitment to yourself. Make a minimum goal to curb your sexual thoughts so that they don't distract you from your other daily activities, such as work or school, and commit to it. If you need help remembering your commitment, wear a piece of jewelry or a simple string around your wrist that will remind you to power through the temptation to get lost in sexual thought. Tell someone about your goal. Telling a trusted friend or family member about your efforts is a good way to help you stay accountable. Have them check in with you regularly to see that you?re doing okay and to provide help or suggestions, if needed. Reward yourself for keeping your commitment. This should be pretty straightforward. You could reward yourself with a favorite dessert, a shopping trip, or something else you like. Exercising is healthy itself, but it also does a few specific things that help damper sexual preoccupations. Exercise can be engrossing and distracting, and when you work out hard enough, other distractions have a tendency of receding into the background. Exercise provides a natural endorphin rush. Endorphins provide a generally good feeling, and help relieve depression. During sex, endorphins are also released, along with other chemicals like the hormone oxytocin. Ergo, exercise can be a good substitute for sexual activity. Practice Mindful Breathing The primary goal of mindful breathing is simply a calm, nonjudging awareness, allowing thoughts and feelings to come and go without getting caught up in them. Sit comfortably, with your eyes closed and your spine reasonably straight. Bring your attention to your breathing. ?Imagine that you have a balloon in your tummy. Every time you breathe in, the balloon inflates. Each time you breathe out, the balloon deflates. Notice the sensations in your abdomen as the balloon inflates and deflates. Your abdomen rising with the in-breath, and falling with the out-breath. Thoughts will come into your mind, and that?s okay, because that?s just what the human mind does. Simply notice those thoughts, then bring your attention back to your breathing. Likewise, you can notice sounds, physical feelings, and emotions, and again, just bring your attention back to your breathing. You don?t have to follow those thoughts or feelings, don?t judge yourself for having them, or analyse them in any way. It?s okay for the thoughts to be there. Just notice those thoughts, and let them drift on by, bringing your attention back to your breathing. Whenever you notice that your attention has drifted off and is becoming caught up in thoughts or feelings, simply note that the attention has drifted, and then gently bring the attention back to your breathing. It's okay and natural for thoughts to enter into your awareness, and for your attention to follow them. No matter how many times this happens, just keep bringing your attention back to your breathing. Consult for psychotherapy. 

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