I'm a 22 year old female. I'm going through a break up. It's the second time. I don't feel like even stepping out of my bed. I lay there all the time. All I do is bathe. Eat and sleep. The worst part is my whole body aches. I cannot really figure out what's aching. At times it feels like the nerves which are visible on my body are the ones aching and my legs feel very weak. As if it's very difficult for them to bear my weight. They ache too and feel empty. During my first break up also these symptoms were there. It's because I cannot stop thinking that it's taking a toll on my body. I want to know why the emotional loss is causing so much effect on my physical state of body. Also, is there any way to stop the toll on my body? I've tried diverting myself, but I'm unable to. Stop thinking is not the way out for me. If any other way could be suggested then I'd be very grateful.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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You are giving yourself all these symptoms because you feel you cannot handle your feelings. Loss is painful emotionally but for it to become physical you are obviously not handling the grief associated with the loss very well and in fact, you are converting it to self-hurt. You must learn to accept all loss or if I may suggest it as failure gracefully and move on. I think you give yourself too much into the relationship and you trust too much too. This will never work and when you get into the next relationship you must keep this in mind. You are brooding over the loss and instead, I suggest you do the following and quickly get out of this incapacitation as though someone has died! breaking up is not easy, especially if the relationship lasted for a long time. But you will need to accept the reality and move on. This fixation on him must die out eventually. You must first exorcise him out of your mind. You can either do that by talking him out of your emotions first to a counsellor and then starting a new relationship by completely walking away from the past. You must express your bitterness and all the fond memories with the intention of purging him out the system. The professional will expertly guide you through the motion of exhaustively clearing away all memories along with the emotions so that you will be free of the ghosts of the past and are able to venture into new relationships. Once you have done that the memories will gradually fade away but the huge advantage you will have is that the emotions attached to those memories will be minus the energy of the feelings and they will become impotent. In the meantime I hope you have cleared your belongings and surroundings of all memories of this person; and also that you do not haunt the places and situations you used to visit. If he has ditched you, you must learn to forgive him for your own sake and live a life free of him eventually in the mind and then in the heart. He is now history, and has probably happily moved on. You need to be thankful that you were not betrothed to him when he dumped you: that would have been worse. And you need to learn not to give yourself to someone so much if the time was not ripe or suitable to do so. Now you should pitch yourself into a new relationship but do not focus too much into the serious end of the outcome but on the moment-to-moment development to see how it all unfolds to really enjoy that person. If you continue to cling on to his memories even after that, you may have some attachment problems too to explore with the counsellor. You could be in a depression too. To get out of the depression you must become active; stay upright during the daylight time; meet people; never sleep during the day, and wake up by 6 am every day, play some active games, especially contact games, do physical exercises, talk to people and join some social clubs, eat more of proteins and vegetables, attend yoga classes etc. Watch a lot of sitcoms on tv or comedies and cheer yourself up. Go for excursions in groups, for outings, camps, conferences, and religious conventions. Get a pet dog and spend time training it, exercising it and relating to it. Expose yourself to some sunlight every day, at least 30 minutes but not in the scotching heat. I hope you can find someone to love and be loved soon. Whatever happens please incorporate these three important adaptations in your life: always be responsible, be respectful, and be functional. If you did these three things, lots of things will go well in life. Please pray and have faith in god to alleviate your sufferings. If you are still not relieved from the depression, then go first to a counselor. 

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Dr. Jagadeesan M.S.Psychiatrist13yrs exp

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Life teaches its own lessons. Good that you broke with guys who were incompatible with u. If you had married them, you could have landed in still more misery. Each and every relationship teaches us something. So move on, if the depression is very severe, consult psychiatrist and take anti-depressants for few weeks, you will feel much better. 

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Dr. Vikas KhannaPsychologist17yrs exp

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Do one n. L. P exercise recall all the unpleasant experiences (4-5) with your ex close your eyes and play them as a movie after another. Have a feeling of relief in the end of the movie, as it is over. Repeat this thrice in one go and do it for few days this too will pass if you still think that you need help, take a counseling/hypnotherapy session cheers. 

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