I can't get over my break up it's been a month n I cry every night. I feel I am getting into depression. What should I do?

Question

It looks like you are pining for him after the break up. Have you analyzed why you two had this fallout? If it is your fault, then apologize and see if he is amenable. If not you may have done something quite unforgivable. It seems you have discovered that a heterosexual relationship is very different from normal relations. It is very intense, and the very thing that makes it attractive (the opposite sex and all its nuances), can also be its nemesis. You must learn what that difference was about your past relations and this particular one and find out how to live with a love relationship. There must be love, respect, commitment, honesty, trust, and freedom in the romantic scene. If however, this is final, then remove all associations of his: gifts, notes, letters, cards, emails, and any reminders to get him out of your system, not just the mind. Keep the good memories but don?t indulge in them. Get back to your old pals and revive those contacts. Normally when we get a boyfriend, we drop all our friends and live exclusively with him. This is not a good thing to do, generally. So do get back to them and get into good social circles. They will help you get over him. Do not talk ill or malign your ex to your friends, whatever was the reason. That is unfortunately a very bad habit many of us have ? we must still respect his reputation and treat him with dignity. Since this break up is so serious for you that depression is plaguing you, do meet up with a counselor and talk about your feelings, openly. This is not the end of the world and he is not the only boy in life. You will find another but learn not to repeat the mistakes that led to the breakup. This time choose wisely. In the meantime please do the following sincerely because you could resolve the problem better with good cooperation: Have a good night?s sleep, have a good breakfast of more proteins, meditate often, remain free of stress, eat a lot of fiber, nuts, avocado, exercise regularly, eat dark chocolate, do Yoga meditation exercises, etc. I suggest you do the opposite of what this depression makes you feel like doing (actually, not doing): you will need to fight this condition. You must become active; stay upright during the daylight time; meet people; never sleep during the day, wake up by 6 am every day, play some active games, especially contact games, do physical exercises, talk to people and join some social clubs, attend Yoga classes etc. Watch sitcoms on TV or comedies and cheer yourself up. Go for excursions in groups, for outings, camps, conferences, and religious conventions. Get a pet dog and spend time training it, exercising it and relating to it. Expose yourself to some sunlight every day, at least, 30 minutes but not in the scorching heat. Whatever happens, please incorporate these three important adaptations in your life: always be responsible, be respectful, and be functional. If you did these three, lots of things will go well in life. Please pray and have faith in God to alleviate your sufferings. Don?t wait for others to help. Use your own motivation, which might be at its lowest, but persevere and win this battle. Above all to be really happy, you need to live in love and for love. Learn all about emotions and how to handle them and that will get you out of the depression rather easily and quickly. A counselor is there only to facilitate you, all the hard word must come from you, and your cooperation with that person is very critical for your success. Be positive every day and learn to be contented with what you have. Do some left brain exercises: it is the happy brain. Here are a few suggestions: shut your left nostril and breathe, move your eyes from right to left and vice versa for at least half a minute at a time, and do calisthenic exercises with some form of counting, regularly. Whatever happens please cooperate with the therapy and do not discontinue until the condition is completely resolved.

Saul Pereira · Accepted Answer

It looks like you are pining for him after the break up. Have you analyzed why you two had this fallout? If it is your fault, then apologize and see if he is amenable. If not you may have done something quite unforgivable. It seems you have discovered that a heterosexual relationship is very different from normal relations. It is very intense, and the very thing that makes it attractive (the opposite sex and all its nuances), can also be its nemesis. You must learn what that difference was about your past relations and this particular one and find out how to live with a love relationship. There must be love, respect, commitment, honesty, trust, and freedom in the romantic scene. If however, this is final, then remove all associations of his: gifts, notes, letters, cards, emails, and any reminders to get him out of your system, not just the mind. Keep the good memories but don?t indulge in them. Get back to your old pals and revive those contacts. Normally when we get a boyfriend, we drop all our friends and live exclusively with him. This is not a good thing to do, generally. So do get back to them and get into good social circles. They will help you get over him. Do not talk ill or malign your ex to your friends, whatever was the reason. That is unfortunately a very bad habit many of us have ? we must still respect his reputation and treat him with dignity. Since this break up is so serious for you that depression is plaguing you, do meet up with a counselor and talk about your feelings, openly. This is not the end of the world and he is not the only boy in life. You will find another but learn not to repeat the mistakes that led to the breakup. This time choose wisely. In the meantime please do the following sincerely because you could resolve the problem better with good cooperation: Have a good night?s sleep, have a good breakfast of more proteins, meditate often, remain free of stress, eat a lot of fiber, nuts, avocado, exercise regularly, eat dark chocolate, do Yoga meditation exercises, etc. I suggest you do the opposite of what this depression makes you feel like doing (actually, not doing): you will need to fight this condition. You must become active; stay upright during the daylight time; meet people; never sleep during the day, wake up by 6 am every day, play some active games, especially contact games, do physical exercises, talk to people and join some social clubs, attend Yoga classes etc. Watch sitcoms on TV or comedies and cheer yourself up. Go for excursions in groups, for outings, camps, conferences, and religious conventions. Get a pet dog and spend time training it, exercising it and relating to it. Expose yourself to some sunlight every day, at least, 30 minutes but not in the scorching heat. Whatever happens, please incorporate these three important adaptations in your life: always be responsible, be respectful, and be functional. If you did these three, lots of things will go well in life. Please pray and have faith in God to alleviate your sufferings. Don?t wait for others to help. Use your own motivation, which might be at its lowest, but persevere and win this battle. Above all to be really happy, you need to live in love and for love. Learn all about emotions and how to handle them and that will get you out of the depression rather easily and quickly. A counselor is there only to facilitate you, all the hard word must come from you, and your cooperation with that person is very critical for your success. Be positive every day and learn to be contented with what you have. Do some left brain exercises: it is the happy brain. Here are a few suggestions: shut your left nostril and breathe, move your eyes from right to left and vice versa for at least half a minute at a time, and do calisthenic exercises with some form of counting, regularly. Whatever happens please cooperate with the therapy and do not discontinue until the condition is completely resolved.

Rachna Mishra · Answer

Hello lybrate-user. It is a common phenomenon in this stage of life. Before going to fall for anyone you should know some of the things like, They won't be with you forever so use your time carefully. Do whatever you want but once you get out of it don't think about it again. A break up can be a turning point of an individual?s life. It?ll either rip you apart or you?ll emerge out of this storm, stronger than ever before. There?s no sugar coating the facts about how you feel, it is a difficult time and it will hurt and it?s alright to feel however you?re feeling, but you have to do whatever you can to not let this control your life. The points mentioned below aren?t perfect but give it a read it might help: If you're feeling depressed, it can be helpful to try some coping strategies. Reach out and stay connected: Talk to people who make you feel safe and make just don?t talk to them on phone or don?t just chat with them, meet them face to face and talk. Spend time with them. Find ways to support others: It?s nice to receive support, but research shows you get an even bigger mood boost from providing support yourself. Do things that make you feel good: In order to overcome depression, you have to do things that relax and energize you. Exercise: Wake up early and exercise, because exercise is not only good for your body but also for your mind. During depression, even getting out of bed seems difficult, but exercise is a powerful depression fighter. Research shows that regular exercise can be as effective as medication for relieving depression symptoms. It also helps prevent relapse once you?re well. Sleep well: During depression it?s common either to sleep too much or having problem of insomnia. Aim for eight hours of sleep. Eat healthy food: Try to stay away from junk food and eat healthy items. Don?t Skip a meal! Try to minimize your intake of sugar and refined carbohydrate. Boost your B vitamins. Deficiencies in B vitamins such as folic acid and B-12 can trigger depression. To get more, take a B-complex vitamin supplement or eat more citrus fruit, leafy greens, beans, chicken, and eggs. Get a daily dose of sunlight: Sunlight can help boost serotonin levels and improve your mood. Whenever possible, get outside during daylight hours and expose yourself to the sun. Aim for at least 15 minutes of sunlight a day. Remove sunglasses (but never stare directly at the sun) and use sunscreen as needed. Keep yourself occupied: Being busy is a way to prevent negative thoughts from going around your head repeatedly. For depressed persons, the first step is often the hardest, so making yourself do things can be a huge difference in your day and getting you started. If nothing of the above mentioned things help, please consult a therapist or psychiatrist. It?ll take time, but you will get out of depression. ?Be strong, because things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it never rains forever?