Hi,my 22years daughter is in hostel doing MBBS ,she is annoyed with us because we restrict some of her activities like staying out of hostel in the night ,spending too much money,going out every weekend,not sleeping in her own room when in hostel,she takes our restrictions as interfere in her life .What can we do to convince her that it is for her good.
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Since she is in the hostel and you are not there to actually monitor her, do say whatever you want but with a lot of trust. She could hear you but still do whatever she wants. It is important to trust her but do not keep her from information that will be useful to her, to conduct herself and to live safely. If you fail to give her the right information, that would be your fault. The time to moralize and lecture her, are all over, now. She needs to see and feel a friend in you. You must trust her enough to cut the apron strings. You know your daughter well enough to know, if she is of questionable character or not. But every time you instruct her, she feels like you do not trust her. Even if she goes out at night, apart from the safety considerations, is she not trustworthy? Now, you may honestly share your fears with her but you realistically cannot control her. In fact she may rebelliously do things just because you are saying them to her. Why invite rebellion in her! You may, in very strict confidence, talk to a friend of hers in the hostel or the authorities, to keep a discrete eye on her and to guide her when she is breaking rules. She is learning to become a professional and needs that space to see how she conducts herself. There are sometimes you will have to put your foot down, and they are under the following circumstances: if it is criminal, if it is immoral, and if it is life-threatening. For example, the staying out of the hostel at night without permission is breaking the hostel rules and that is not permissible. Come down hard on her even, if she does not like it. Certain precautions about going out alone with boys, especially at night: She must have that information but without the moralizing. Now she cannot spend too much of money unless she has been given too much! So restrict that, if you want.
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Your daughter is unable to know her limits and activities,spending, etc indicative of Manic behaviour, Needs to treat her with Sodium valproate 500mg 1/2 in morning and 1 tab at night. Check her physical and blood tests.
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