Recently I took psychiatric treatment for anorexia nervosa I gained weight and from being underweight, I came in normal bmi bit because of weight gain I am facing self-hatred issues I just find reasons for self-harm nowadays I am getting a lot of suicidal thoughts I just always feel to end this journey as I feel my problems will end this way. I am fucked up I am continually putting on weight and I am not liking the way I am. I overt sometimes and puke it intentionally by using my fingers. I don't know where am I heading towards I just don't know what am I doing. Sometimes I feel I am heading towards another disorder to eradicate on disorder. I want to live my life like a normal being I want to stop counting calories and stop weighing myself daily but I am unable to. I feel empty and lost after my mothers demise I feel emotionless I don't want to develop my personality I want my existing personality back but I don't know how? I am just fucked up with my life.