I'm in 95% remission on medication, I take carispec 3 mg, valproate cr 1g, and bupropion xl 150 mg. I'm happy with my new doctor but I feel denied therapy for traumatic emotional sensitivity. I want a opinion if with these symptoms I should continue advocating for therapy or if it is harmful for me. 30, male, diagnosed early stage f20 15 years ago. Doctor's meds never worked, tried many throughout the years. Since childhood, violent father who struck me, family and my mother. No interest in school studies and unable to understand simplest subjects, always landed up in trouble with teachers who constantly berated me as a child. High school was further traumatising, bullied constantly by whole class and cursed upon to the point I was so conscious of myself and filled with anxiety everyday and the anxiety was high to the point of being almost psychotic. I avoided places like barber and school vicinity where I felt uncomfortable and became extremely anxious. Stopped speaking with father completely for 15 years even though we lived together until his death, retaliated his behaviour with outbursts of rage of my own. Since childhood and especially 11 years old, felt very sensitive and hurt by everything, started becoming detached and separate from the world, spending time alone by myself to cope and increased computer use. Was also not very expressive and that fuelled rage further. The sensitivity gave way to complete isolation and severe grief filled depression, weeping everyday, and that gave way to extreme irritability where I could not tolerate the slightest noises like building construction, kid crying, and lashed out physically and verbally. Electrical shock sensations in my chest also. Started having full on rage attacks, retaliatory outbursts where I shattered glass objects by the dozen, tore the house down everyday, and screamed at the top of my lungs, often curses which kids at school had said to me. Was hospitalized in 2015 3 months because of unending outbursts, felt others misunderstood that these curses were from trauma and I didn't deserve the torture. ​ get repetitive nightmares and flashbacks in dreams where my father is screaming violently, and I start screaming as well curses and rage and then beg in despair after breaking things in dream also, that please I don't want to go to nursing home. Or that my father is hitting my mother and I beg please don't hit her, I picture this as a kid. ​ wake up angry often unconsciously punching and kicking the near wall or bed. Often woke up unconsciously crying with tears in eyes. ​ the depression is such that I feel so sensitive and lonely. I crave intimacy but have no friends. I feel there is no one to love me. I feel i'm completely wretched and damaged and there is no good in me. I become hypersexual but scared of that. I feel want to marry a chaste, pure christian girl and conceive a child in her womb but get upset because that will never be. ​ I also stop all hygiene. 1 months ago started low dose vraylar because no other meds were helping. And every inch of irritability, rage, hygiene issue disappeared instantly and I feel happy for first time in life. But I do feel I need support for my trauma to prevent any depressive relapses in the future but the hundred doctors I saw just put f20 because I damage property, and say you are not a war victim. I feel misunderstood and that does not help. Thank you.