I work in a software firm. I feel very confused and sleepless for small things. For eg. I will share a incident. In a meeting my manager appreciated my work and asked what challenges I faced in front of everyone in the team. I felt shivering and blabbered something. The whole night I was thinking about that incident and told my friends. I always moaning my friends all the things. They tell me that don't worry for these things and if I stop moaning that would better help in resolving those small problems. Please don't advice me to attend the counselling. Give me some other useful tips like meditation, food habits, way to peace, etc. Thank you very much in advance.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist48yrs exp

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Well, the choice is yours whether you want to go for counseling or not. You seem to have social anxiety and you can take the following measures: If you want to avoid meeting a counselor and want to something on your own do something to increase your fitness in five areas: physically by regular exercise, emotionally by dealing with your feelings, intellectually by cultivating good mental habits, socially by mixing and making a lot fo friends, and spiritually by being god-fearing and by loving other people as members of a shared family and operating​ with good values. About the issue itself: Do you know if this is a family trait, or is the family by anyways less to socialize, or have you had any problem with fear because of some family or childhood experience? Have you ever been embarrassed in public by someone that it has left an indelible mark in your personality? You can take the answers to these questions to a counselor and resolve the same. Anyway, you must deal with your fear of people and it will be the best solution to your problem. In the meantime do some confidence building exercises by attending a personality development course, public speaking skills course (I suggest you join the Toastmasters Club), work out at a gym to build good self-image, and join social events to practice your skills. Surprisingly many people are often in the same boat as you, and so you are not alone. The very people you are intimidated by may be afraid of you too! There are three important developments to have to make an autonomous personality: Awareness, intimacy, and spontaneity. If you are super aware or too conscious of yourself, it will affect the intimacy and spontaneity. Although your problem is now directly to do with intimacy, you can see that they are all connected. Go and work on these matters with a counselor for this level of social anxiety to disappear from your life for good. 

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