Hello ,am 27 years old girl ,I want to know about my illness, I feel so anxious and depressed about someone (girl) sometimes, if she speaks with any boy. I am so caring and worried towards her. Can you please suggest something? What is the issue with me I itself cannot get.
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You are probably jealous but more importantly, there may be weak ego boundaries so that you feel you need to take care and control of her. It may appear as though it is out of concern for her but it could instead be from some insecurity in you. You may feel complete only if she is with you exclusively and this could hamper her freedom and individuality. The reason I have come to these conclusions is that you are getting so disturbed as to be depressed and anxious. This can make you quite dysfunctional. You will need to spread your affections to other friends too but not to control them in any guise. Love yourself first and then your satiation will enable you to share your friends around without any encumbrance to yourself.
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It happens sometimes that we develop affection and attachment for people of same sex because they are friendly with us and care for us. As a result we don't want to lose them which is very natural. But when this possessiveness becomes out of control and we think too much about being with that person all the time then we feel jealous when that person is with others. Try to see that you can never have complete control over someone else's life. How can you expect that your friend or this girl can always talk to you and not with others. This is practically not possible. All of us meet with so many people each day and we happen to interact with them at varying levels. So if you feel that she should not talk with other guys then you need to change your perception. You think this is some illness. You have provided a label to your feelings of anxiety and sadness as similar to sickness. You are scared from these feelings of affection towards her. You feel insecure and alone when she is with others because you feel you will lose her. But here you need to understand that your insecurity is making you feel that way. We can not possess anyone forever. You also need to understand that what are the reasons for this insecurity. Do you have very few friends? Do you feel shy in making new friends? Are you generally shy and hesitant in interacting with people? Are you in general overpossessive about personal things? If your answer to most of these questions is yes, then you seem to be an introvert and you need to develop proper social skills. Because you do not fully understand your emotions. You should meet a psychologist who can make you understand your feelings better. The more you will understand your emotions better, the more you will be able to regulate them. Right now your feelings towards your friend are uncontrolled and against your wishes. This is making you feel worried about yourself. Calling it an illness would be a big decision and you should first try to understand your feelings properly. Then you will be able to distinguish which emotion is healthy and which is not.
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