Dear madam/sir, I am very stressed and depressed. I am law student and I am in a relationship since 4 years since school time. Now I am in second year law. We are from same town but after 12th grade we moved to different cities to pursue further studies. My relationship is getting worst we fight alot .we abuse each other too. He has abused me several time but now its hurting my self respect. He is a very nice person though when he comes to visit me he take good care of mine. But as soon as he goes back he does not care. Yesterday we fought and he blocked me without caring that I am crying and getting panic so much. Madam I get panic very much and can cry for hours. Its difficult for me to concentrate on my studies I feel very depressed and hopeless my confidence level has also gone done. I am also facing health problem. This relationship is going worst and its harming me emotionally very much. I want to get out of itmadam/sir I am very ambitious person but it feels like I can not do anything. Pls madam/sir advice me. It will b really grateful.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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If a relationship is not good for you, then just quit it. There must be respect and definitely no abuse. Whatever he is when he meets you, it is not enough if he is not consistent. And please do not take abuse, ever. When he knows that you will not take nonsense and he becomes remorseful, then he is a good person. If he is not regretful, then just stop the relationship. You can tell him why you don't want such a relationship and see how he reacts. At this juncture in your life, it is very important for you to focus on your studies and do well. Also, you are still very young and there are a lot of occasions to meet many compatible men. So do not panic and get depressed. If he knows you for 4 years, surely he must know your character and trust you. I am assuming that these could be some of your problems since you have not mentioned the exact nature of the disputes. Please follow these measures to improve your concentration: I suspect that the adolescent issues with regard to hormones may be affecting your ability to concentrate and remember apart from your the stress of your relationship. When the hormones play up, it lasts for a period of close to two years and during that time you could be influenced by three signs directly impacted by the chemical: you will tend to become aggressive and rebellious, you will become sexually active, and you will have acne and pimple problems. The hormonal imbalances may not only impact your memory because of the chemical but also bring some distractions that come with it. But you may work on the following even if the hormones kick in: Daily exercise of at least half an hour is a must. Even if you go to a gym, ask for aerobic and/or callisthenic exercises with whatever else you are doing. A healthy body harbors a healthy mind. With regard to memory, it is very important that your brain and body is ideally rested to be able to recall whatever is required, rather comfortably. Puzzles pose problems to the brain that help it to use new pathways and neurons, which give the brain considerable exercise. It taxes the left brain to use logic to solve the myriad possibilities which other activities do not stimulate. Crosswords are excellent for vocabulary learning and use. Jigsaws and Rubik cube stimulate different permutations to finally settle on the most likely one. Picture completion and anagrams help approach problem-solving from several angles. Do Sudoku, and memory co-relation activities and skills. Have a good night’s sleep, have a good breakfast of more proteins, meditate often, remain free of stress, eat a lot of fiber (whole grains, fruits and vegetables), nuts, avocado, eat dark chocolate, consume less of fat and use olive oil instead, do Yoga meditation exercises, etc. You need to check out if you are stronger visual or auditory. The visual is a better mode than the auditory. However, if you combine the two modes, you will get the best concentration. Have a special place of learning, which should be well lit, with soft painted walls, well-ventilated, with no distractions. When you get bored, study by writing. If you repeat learning, at least, five to seven times, you will apparently remember for a longer time. Sit comfortably but do not slouch. The reading material should be of a fairly large print. Study at small intervals of about 40 minutes and then take a break or change the subject. Short-term memory is a faculty of the left brain, and long-term memory is a feature of the right brain. When people are stressed, they tend to favor the right brain and abandon the left brain, where short-term memory resides. So, it is really very simple: deal with the stress and activate left brain functions. Here are a few suggestions to activate left brain function: shut your left nostril and breathe, move your eyes from right to left and vice versa for at least half a minute at a time, and do callisthenic exercises with some form of counting, regularly. There is a new exercise called Super Brain Yoga, which is done by holding the right earlobe with your left thumb and index finger, and the left earlobe with your right hand’s thumb and index finger. In this position, you must squat down and rise up and do this for five minutes every day. There is some memory enhancing techniques and study methods that your teacher will be able to guide you with. If your home life is full of distractions and stress, it is likely to affect your memory, adversely. In that case, I suggest that the family goes for counseling too. The following foods do help too: Blueberries, walnuts, turmeric, Spinach, tomatoes, broccoli, acorn squash, green tea, oily fish, boiled egg, turkey, apples, oatmeal, leafy greens, lentils, pumpkin seeds, avocado, cinnamon, thyme, sunflower seeds, and red wine. Avoid sugar and junk food. You may also include these noted foods that are good for your brain health: Brain-Friendly Foods MIND stands for Mediterranean-DASH Intervention for Neurodegenerative Delay. But the MIND approach “specifically includes foods and nutrients that medical literature and data show to be good for the brain, such as berries,” says Martha Clare Morris, ScD, director of nutrition and nutritional epidemiology at Rush University Medical Center. You eat things from these 10 food groups: •Green leafy vegetables (like spinach and salad greens): At least six servings a week •Other vegetables: At least one a day •Nuts: Five servings a week •Berries: Two or more servings a week •Beans: At least three servings a week •Whole grains: Three or more servings a day •Fish: Once a week •Poultry (like chicken or turkey): Two times a week •Olive oil: Use it as your main cooking oil. •Wine: One glass a day You avoid: •Red meat: Less than four servings a week •Butter and margarine: Less than a tablespoon daily •Cheese: Less than one serving a week •Pastries and sweets: Less than five servings a week •Fried or fast food: Less than one serving a week. 

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