I am 27 years old. Almost my all friends got job in a MNC or government job. I also want to do hard work to attain success, but I am unable to concentrate on studies. Let me share my past, I did b.tech in mechanical engineering in 2012, then after I left my home and went to my seniors room for 2 years did nothing there, smoked weed, alcohol etc. Then after I got a job by someones reference in mechanical and worked for 1.5 years. After that I left the job. Because it was too irritating, no timings and salary only 10k a month. After that I got a call from my friend, he told me about a job as an android developer. I started working. Now I completed 1 year. Now a days I am unable to remember anything. I do study and forgot. What should I do. I am loosing my confidence. Almost lost my confidence. Kindly guide. I don't have money to get better medication. Please suggest me some home made rules or remedies or wtevr. Please.

Ms. Rachna MishraPsychologist5yrs exp

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Hello lybrate-user It happens. It has happened with me too. I was never brilliant like you, I was always very average. I managed to keep my scores as per my parent’s expectations. Throughout my teens I had planned that I would join the army, but when the time came I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Not because I chickened out but because of some ailment that struck me at that time. Moreover, I had a well paying job so the burning passion and will to join the army slowly faded. When I was preparing myself to join the army, I had somehow become very brave and fearless. I started behaving like as if I can conquer anything in this world. My thought process had changed and though I wasn’t a very intelligent person, my analytical skills had improved. In my head I was to become the best cadet my country had ever seen which is why I was training myself to become the best. But once I realized that the dream is unlikely to come true, all the intelligence and daredevilry started to get diluted. I slowly started to lose the courage that I had built all these years. The fears that I had overcome during that phase all came back to me and I became the same old me. Whenever I would try to do things that I did back then, I would just fail. I couldn’t understand how to get that fearlessness in me again. I realized that I had lost my confidence. I was no longer the valiant soldier that I thought I was and that struck me hard. Now since I had planned to join the army and sadly things didn’t really work out, I was left stranded. I had no back up plan for my career. My friends were all pursing professional courses and I was left with nothing but a monotonous job. Then one day I pondered really hard over my situation and thought of the one thing that I enjoyed doing the most. Writing popped up in my head even before I could complete the question to myself. And I thought that there’s no use following the herd and holding a degree that every Tom Dick and Harry does. Let’s do something relying on my talent. Even though my first job was totally into finance, it did involve some writing and that was what gave the kick start to this new journey of mine. I got myself a degree that would validate my writing skills. And today, I am working as a writer with a company and trust me I am getting paid almost as much as the MBA's. Despite spending so much on a professional course like MBA my colleagues are getting paid just 1k or 2k more than me. No doubt I sometimes look at my own siblings and feel that a career in finance could have fetched me more that what I get today but I know the facade of liking and working in a field you don’t enjoy working in will definitely die down one day. I’ll narrate one incident here. In my office my colleague once asked me about my siblings and I said that my elder sister is a Chartered Accountant (CA) and my younger brother is preparing for his CA exams. My colleague then casually asked me that why I didn’t pursue the same. I clearly stated that I hated Maths and would never do something that would involve me dealing with numbers. Though my answer was 100% true still somewhere inside me I felt why didn’t I also do CA? If I work hard may be I could have crossed all the levels and slowly I would’ve started to like the profession. Days passed and that thought would constantly bother me. Not that I hate my job, I love what I do, but I don’t know why I felt so. Then one day, I was assigned a task wherein I had to explain a simple mathematical solution through writing. The writing part went smoothly, but when it came to calculation….Oh boy! I started to sweat in a fully air-conditioned room. The calculation was for children aged 13-14 years but I just couldn’t figure out what was to be done. Luckily, the person sitting besides me noticed my nervousness and asked me what the matter was, I explained it to him and he offered to explain the calculations to me. It hardly took him 5 minutes to complete the full solution. I thanked him and he left for the day. When I got back to my work I couldn’t help laughing at myself just then I though in my mind, “Baby….you are so much in the right field”. I hadn’t really chosen this field, the field chose me and I cannot thank God enough to have guided me to where I am today. Whichever field you choose for yourself, just make sure that you really like that work and you won’t mind working hard in that field. But do make a choice asap, do not waste time trying to figure out your best possible deal. If you are still confused then just take a leap of faith (like I did) and get into whichever field that comes to your mind first, have faith in your God and move forward in the direction that life leads you. Trust me if you work hard, with utmost sincerity you efforts will surely be rewarded. AND FOR THE CONFIDENCE BOOST UP YOU CAN TRY THESE THINGS: Just as I am sure that self confidence is important I am also sure that you have been trying to find useful tips that really work without any luck. 10 killer tips for building self confidence Identify the problematic areas: You might be very confident at one area of your life (example: browsing the web) and totally not confident in another area (example public speaking). The first step for building self confidence is knowing which areas need to be improved. Identity the missing skills: Lets suppose your problem was with public speaking. In such a case the main reason you don't feel confident doing it is because you lack certain skills (for example: knowing how to use body language to appear confident, how to select the right words that grab people's attention and how to control fear and anxiety while performing). Acquire the missing skills: After you identity the missing skills you need to start learning them one by one until you master them. Get exposed to your fears once again: After you acquire the missing skills start repeating the things that you previously didn't feel confident about. The main goal behind this step is to prove to your subconscious mind that you are now way better than you were before Fix your perception errors: Most people don't see reality but they just see a version that matches their beliefs (for example: people were laughing at me because I am a boring person). When you Learn how to filter these perception errors your confidence level will start rising on its own The only person you need to impress: In order to believe you are worthy the only person you need to impress is your subconscious mind. The more you do things right (after acquiring the needed skills the more will your subconscious mind believe that you are worthy.) Read about rejection psychology: Yes brilliant people, good looking ones and those who are really good get rejected. You just didn't know it! check out those articles for more information: Does rejection mean you are ugly and Do good people get rejected Keep a compliment journal: Whenever you get a genuine compliment write it down in the compliment journal. Read this journal at least once a week. Beliefs become stronger when you repeat them but this happens only when you repeat things that you believe in Affirmations don't work unless: Your subconscious mind will refuse to accept affirmations if the beliefs you were repeating weren't convincing. In other words, if you believe you have low confidence then repeating an affirmation such as "i am confident" will actually harm your self esteem GOD BLESS YOU. 

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