I have an adopted daughter who is now 24. She has lost several years at various points of her education and is now in 4th year law. Her behavior is extremely aggressive, abusive and has had drug issues in the past. Still loves partying in excess. Can't be trusted to carry out any responsibilities at home. Both my wife and I are totally stressed but my wife is resistant to taking help but I would love some advice.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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If she was an abandoned child and then you adopted her, she may have issues of rejection and is now dealing with that in the various ways you have described. Ideally, to deal with this situation both of you parents must be on the same page. Any disagreement between the parents will only disturb her more. Her adoption counselors will be of tremendous help in knowing how to deal with her. Whatever you do, she should never feel rejected. You must confront her behavior and never label her in any way. She must always experience love and there should never be even a shadow of doubt about this. She is old now and an adult, so whatever you want to do with her needs her approval. So do work with her rather than against her. She will continue to be difficult but you have to be patient. If she has a drug problem, kindly take her for addiction counseling and na meetings. If the aggressive behavior is too much you will need to take her to a counselor and if that person advises her to be medicated, you may have to consider that too. You certainly need help and do not rely on your own amateur methods under these serious conditions. Professionals are always there to help. 

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