How should I behave with my life partner? We quarrel regularly for no reason. Whenever she raises her voice I decrease mine. But when I raise my voice she never decreases her voice and in turn barks at me like hell that world gonna end today and we are gng to leave each other. Is there any suggestion to this problem?

Ms. Hemal Sanjay KuntePsychologist5yrs exp

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Surely there is solution. Presently you both are" talking" but you both are not" listening" what the other person has to say. Typically with newly married couples, what happens is, both have certain expectations from their spouse, but they do not voice these expectations and expect their spouse to" understand" it on their own. At the same time, what meaning each person is making from the other's actions/remarks also differs - e. G. If the wife says" why are you late again today? the husband thinks she is suspicious or nagging. But what she actually wants to convey is" I want you to come back on time, so that I can spend more time with you" and if the wife is talking to her husband and if the husband is busy watching tv or reading news paper, the wife assumes that she is not important for him, tv/paper is more important, which may not be so. So please remember that most of the relationship issues are because of lack of communication and listening skills. You both please try to learn some communications and listening skills. Learn to express your needs and understand other's needs. It will help you a lot. In the absence of good communication and listening skills, you both will not be able to have any other good relationship. Even if you both decide to leave each other now, you will have similar problems later on, with another person. So the best way is, to understand and accept that you both have come from different homes/backgrounds so you will have clashes because you will have different opinions, perceptions, values expectations etc. If required talk to a counsellor. You both need to work together to make this relationship work. All the best. 

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