I'm 19years old boy. M in a relationship with girl 18ys old. What will keep our relationship more strong. 1) frequent sex 2) rare sex 3) frequent kisses and hugs 4) all of above 5) none of above. please suggest a good answer. Thank you.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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A relationship with a girl is not a quiz. Hugs, kisses, and sex may all come about int he course of a healthy relationship but you cannot earmark a certain behavior or time it out. To really keep a relationship strong you must respect each other and never use pressure to manipulate anything. There must be love, commitment, obligation, trust, respect, and mutuality in everything that is said and done. You seemed to be focused too much on the physical aspects and that itself is holding the wrong end of the stick. You see, we are into relations all throughout our lives. Yet, for the least of reasons, when it comes to marriage we are ready to throw in the towel. I am glad that you are seeking to know how to keep the relationship strong and healthy. Yes, communication is important. But there are two important considerations that matter a lot before you take the plunge (if you do that is): compatibility and adjustability. The former is almost a fixed aspect of both of you and it includes education, language, communication, community, caste, religion, socio-economic status, personality etc. The more the similarity, the better. The second consideration, that of adjustability, is more important and plays a very important role to determine whether your relationship will remain healthy or not. If compatibility is good, less adjustability is required. But as in most cases, there will be some disparity, and this will tax adjustability considerably. If you are not able or willing to adjust, all hell will break lose. This is what you must examine while you are courting each other. Is s/he willing to make the adjustment around you, and are you able to and willing to adjust for the sake of the relationship. If you know there are stark difficulties, then better to close that prospect. Everything involves some aspect of culture eventually: for example, she may be used to going out with her friends for drinks often. Now if you cannot adjust with this, then this will be a definite area of conflict. There are too many possibilities and this space will not suffice to give elaborate responses. Both of you will generally act positively before marriage but soon after the nuptials one or both of you will tend to control the other and there lies the danger. So it is very difficult to determine the true nature of an individual at the onset. But it is worth the try. So test everything to be fully satisfied, and this is best achieved by good and open communication. For your information, there are three areas that stand out as contributing to divorce: sex, in-laws, and finances. Discuss these areas and get to know the other?s mindset. Better to be safe than sorry. I have a very important suggestion to give you if you are looking for a strong relationship to culminate in marriage: please seek premarital counseling where many of these facts will be explained and taught to both of you if you get a qualified counselor to do it.  

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